Tuesday, September 29, 2009


My dog Roscoe tries so hard to be a good dog. He knows two tricks: sit and heel. On days when we don’t take a walk, I sometimes let him out of the yard to play. He has a routine. I open his gate, he runs directly to the back door, whines and scratches at the door, and when he sits quietly, I let him in. He drinks some of the cat’s water, trots to the front door, sits, and then I let him out. I’m not sure why he thinks he has to come through the house to get to the front yard, but that’s what he does.

Usually, the first thing he does once he achieves freedom is find a place to make his mark. That is sometimes my across-the-street neighbor’s tree. I know it’s a little tacky, but he’s a dog. That’s what dogs do. Once when he did this, my neighbor happened to be at the mailbox getting his mail and I saw this incident unfold in slow motion. Roscoe bolted out the front door, found a good spot, and lifted his leg. My neighbor saw him and then he started hollering and flapping his mail at Roscoe. I didn’t really know how to respond. On one hand, I felt like I should be ashamed that I let my dog behave in such an uncivilized manner and should somehow attempt to stop the unfortunate series of events at hand and apologize profusely. On the other hand, I thought my neighbor was being awfully silly for freaking out at such a tiny little thing and that he should just let the dog do its business. I know Roscoe is not the first dog to pee on that tree.

When Roscoe and I go for walks, I’m never exactly sure what the rules are regarding dog…business. I live in a pretty rural area. Roscoe and I walk around the perimeter of town, where one side of the street is inside city limits, and the other is not. I don’t feel guilty about letting him deface the edge of a pasture where cows are doing the exact same thing. I certainly don’t let him poop on people’s lawns, but I don’t mind if he pees on utility poles or fire hydrants.

Sunday night Roscoe and I didn’t go for a walk, so I had let him frolic about the neighborhood for a while. When I let him in the house after playtime, he seemed completely normal. I was standing at the entertainment center doing something on my computer (I keep my laptop there because that’s where my speakers are plugged in) and I heard slurping. That’s an unusual noise to hear in the living room, so I turned around to see him eating puke! I said, “oh, Roscoe, don’t eat that!” and then I thought…wait…where did that come from? I never even heard him puke.

I took him out to the garage right away because I didn’t want him to be in my way while I cleaned it up, or, worse, to throw up in the house again. Then I had to strategize. How does one clean up puke? I mean, more serious puke than just a hairball. I’ve cleaned up a hairball. But never full-fledged puke. I decided this occasion called for a spatula. Roscoe is such a sweet dog. He tried to puke on his rug, but he pretty much completely missed. He puked right next to his rug. I grabbed the trash can from the kitchen, held my nose, and scooped up the puke with the spatula. It took several scoops. Fortunately, it didn’t stink too badly. I only almost threw up three times. Then, after all of the puke was safely disposed of, I broke out the Resolve triple action. Thankfully, when I saw that I was running low a while back, I had stocked up. You never know when you might need a fresh supply of carpet cleaner! I spritzed the last drops from one bottle and then dispensed a healthy dose from the brand new bottle. I sprayed, waited, and scrubbed. I’m pretty sure you would never be able to tell there was puke there, but I will always know. I will forever walk around that spot now. Oh, and I scrubbed the spatula. Twice. Then I put it in the dishwasher to be sanitized.

Roscoe seems fine. After I got the puke safely cleaned up, I put him to bed...outside. I didn’t yell or punish him. He didn’t mean to throw up on the carpet. He just overate. I don’t know what he overate, but his tummy must have been pretty full because the volume of the mess appeared much larger that what I would think his little tummy could hold (and apparently it was)!


anewphelps said...

This story totally made me laugh! I really like the blog, you all are such good writers. Thanks for sending me the link to check up on the posts!

Anonymous said...

I think youshould throw away the spatula. I will buy you a new one.


Carina said...

I agree with Jena. I'll buy you two new spatulas. Speaking as someone who frequently eats your food... =)